It was just a few minutes after 6:30am and our boat pushed out from the dock. We were headed out of the harbor at San Diego on the Dolphin for a half day of fishing. It was chilly, and we were glad we opted for jeans and shoes rather than shorts and sandals like the other tourists on board.
Though I was excited about the fishing, I was most excited about spending the day with my two sons. Josh is a teenager now, and Nathan is closing in quickly. We only have a few more years with each of them before they launch out on their own and leave the safe harbor of our home.
So, here are four things I learned yesterday on my first ocean fishing excursion, things that will help me prepare my sons for whatever lies ahead.
1. Go deep
We arrived at our first fishing spot and Dustin, our deck hand, gave us a quick demonstration of how to hold and bait our lines. “Have at it,” he said, “Up and down, all day long. No angles, no tangles.” His job was to keep us fishing, so these simple tips and advance would make his job easier and our day more fun.
So, I let my line down. The captain had told us the water was 80 to 90 feet deep. I don’t know how deep I went, but for the first ten minutes or so all I did was watch the other passengers bringing in fish. “What am I missing?” I asked Dustin, “am I not fishing deep enough?”
He told me to let out my line until I felt the weight hit the sea floor. That was just about 60 feet farther than I had let it out previously.
As my sons get older, I realize that I also need to go deeper, and allow them too as well. They are teenagers now, needing to talk, not just about what they learned at school, but also about the challenges, successes and failures they face every day. They long to know about my story, my weaknesses, and how I overcame the very real temptations and struggles they are likely facing now.
It’s not good enough to go just below the surface. As a father, I have to be willing to go way deeper, and, if I’m patient, I know they will bite.
2. Don’t miss subtle clues
What’s the difference in the way it feels between getting snagged in the kelp and the real bite of a fish on the other end of 90 feet of line? It’s really hard to say. The difference is so subtle. There were times I’d pull hard and set the hook, only to find I had set it into the ocean floor… another reason to ask Dustin for help.
With my sons, I’m looking for the same subtle clues every day. I watch for the usual: changes in mood or behavior. But I also watch how they respond to me, the things I say and choose to do, and how they respond to the content of TV shows and commercials.
Do they laugh, stare or turn away at the portrayal of sin? Do they seem indifferent to the opportunity to do good? Are they interested in the things that will help them to grow in their faith? These subtle clues are the indication that it’s time to set the hook, and help them grab on to the things that really matter in life. These are indications of where to focus my energy as a dad, to help them become the men God wants them to be.
3. Keep your eyes on the horizon
I went into our trip yesterday expecting to feel a little seasick. We all took a non-drowsy Dramamine before we got on the boat. I took a second one an hour into our trip. But I found that focusing up close, on my phone or my fish hook, was reason for disaster. The best thing I could do was keep looking out to the horizon.
It’s the same with my sons. Up close, we may see things that are cause for concern. They are, after all, teenage boys. But if we keep our eyes on the horizon, the long term, we can see the direction they are heading.
I pray every day that my boys future is stable, level, and pure. I encourage them to pursue things that will last. We give them opportunities to venture out and explore.
When I look at these things, I know they are headed in a good direction. I know the waves, the tossing and turning of the seas, is only temporary. I know their future is fixed on the hope of eternity with Christ.
4. Enjoy the ride
Fishing was fun. Catching was more fun. But the real adventure was rising early, trying something new, eating granola bars for breakfast, and microwaving yesterday’s coffee.
As our boat headed out of the harbor, we stopped at this little floating platform to gather bait for our trip. On the platform were dozens of sea lions and their cubs, playfully waiting for a few scraps from our boat.
When we pulled away from the platform, we had to wait for the USS Nimitz, a 1000-foot-long aircraft carrier, to pass. It was an incredible sight to see the ship coming into harbor. We waved to the seamen on board, standing in formation on the massive deck.
And, at the end of our day fishing, we stood side-by-side on the deck riding back, smelling of fish parts and sunblock, with a day full of memories… of our first time ocean fishing together.
How are you helping your young sons become the men God wants them to be?