Recently we connected with a friend of mine, whom I hadn’t seen for a while, for dinner. During the drive to dinner, my kids asked a lot of questions… good questions about etiquette, manners, and what is appropriate at such a gathering.
Here’s how I answered them:
What should we order?
Ask our host for recommendations. Since we’re on his turf, in his town, and eating on his dime, this makes sense. Pick something that is unique to this restaurant, that you couldn’t get at home, and that you genuinely believe you will enjoy.
What’s the price range?
Just pick something that you would choose if it were just our family dining out, not the most expensive thing on the menu, but also not the cheapest. If you choose the cheapest, the host may think you’re trying to be cheap because he’s paying and it will make him uncomfortable.
What should we say?
That’s a good question. Most adults are good at asking questions of kids and teens to get them talking about things that interest the kids. Share brief but thorough answers to his questions. When you’re not answering a question, listen attentively to the other things he’s talking about.
When an adult asks a question or is talking about something that interests you, feel free to ask clarifying questions or ask questions that allow the host to go deeper into this topic. Don’t share your own examples or stories. Asking questions of your host will make him feel important.
This is something I learned from reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. The author speaks about how he won the affection of others by asking questions and allowing them to speak, rather than talking a lot about himself. It turns out, people are really most interested in themselves.
My kids were kind of surprised by this. So, is it ok to encourage that, Dad? It sure is. We can learn a lot from others by listening to them share about their own life and experience. We learn very little from them by talking about ourselves.
Anything else we should do?
You should use your napkin appropriately. Say please and thank you. Smile a lot. Shake hands with the host and his family. Look him in the eye. Speak confidently with a voice that can be heard. That’s all.
And then we arrived at the restaurant. As it turns out, we had a fantastic dinner. The food was good, but the company was even better. The kids did amazing, despite being tired, and having only had these four bits of advice for having dinner with Dad’s friend.
Hey moms and dads, is there anything else you’d add?