When we first arrived with our family in the Dominican Republic several years ago for a sabbatical of service, our second floor apartment was still under construction. There were local construction workers hurrying back and forth all the time, and on one day they carried buckets of heavy, wet cement.
I watched them curiously one afternoon as they all paused for several minutes on the far end of our balcony. They bunched up in a line on the stairs, still holding their buckets of heavy, wet cement. It wasn’t because they were tired or lazy, but because my young children were sitting on opposite sides of the porch talking with one another.
It was a faux pas to pass between two people in conversation, even my kids at play, but we were culturally unaware. That day, it took a visit from the pastor to learn the lesson and get the project going again.
There are things we also do here at home, often unaware, which can make us unapproachable and unwelcoming. Here are a few, and their simple alternatives:
- The furrowed brow. Squint your eyes a little and tilt your head slightly toward the ground. This makes you look like you are deep in thought about something important or, worse yet, angry. No one will want to talk to you. A better approach is what my friend Daniel Wallace at Gull Lake Ministries teaches his staff: eyebrows up. This shift in your countenance will enhance your smile and convey a sense of interest in anyone with whom you make eye contact.
- The stern principal. Cross your arms across your chest and shift all your weight to one leg. It says, “I’m watching you, and you’re about to get busted.” Instead, do what Al Weinberg at Frontline Specialists suggests: assume an open posture, with your arms to your side or behind your back, and palms open and up.
- The private conversation. Stand face-to-face with someone you know well and talk about anything. Even from a distance, it will make you appear busy, even if you are just passing time. At SpringHill Camps, I encourage our activities staff to stand side-by-side, shoulder-to-shoulder while they are waiting for guests to arrive. This way, you can have the same conversation, but it allows you to be aware of others around you so you can put your conversation on hold and offer a welcome or assistance, even before they approach you.